Hi everyone. It’s been a while. I hope you are all managing to find some light. If you can't see any now, I hope you will actively look for it in the places where your intuition tells you to.
I’m in the first year of mourning my husband, and am still finding it very hard to be socially engaged in any way. I’m starting to put the pieces back together in my life, but it’s a slow roll. I'm beginning to feel capable of responding to emails, messages, etc., and I just want to thank everyone who has reached out to me.
At first, after my husband died, I felt an extreme amount of weird energy to “get things done” and organize and tear everything apart. It seems a little crazy now, but grief does strange things to people. I also suspect that I "sensed" what was going to happen to the World. I was so lucky that I had friends, family and his amazing co-workers help me through that time. My step-son and I were muddling through our sorrow and we had even begun to organize some things when The Virus happened. You all know the rest because you have all been experiencing it, too, in your own lives.
At one point, I went through a kind of a shattering of reality, and I found myself completely unable to move for about a month. I was literally unable to leave my bed except for essentials. It felt like I was feeling the trauma of the entire World and the Earth itself - physically, emotionally - and in my psyche/soul. I’ve never felt anything like it before. It felt really, really bad, but eventually it lifted, and after it was over, I felt very connected to the multiverse in a strange way, and even began to feel like things were going to be okay somehow. I started feeling creative again, which was very unexpected. I hadn't planned to do anything musical for a very long time, but instead I felt completely inspired. And I felt very, very connected to my husband, too.
I was already experiencing a great deal of what used to be called paranormal activity. I think of these things as absolutely natural. And I was getting "signs" on a regular basis — serendipities, coincidences… phenomena that are unexplained by Newtonian science. So to feel this way now, isn’t really that far from what I was feeling before the lockdown. But now, after having the opportunity to really contemplate all of this, I am beyond convinced that this is a transformative time to be on Earth. Transformation is difficult, but if we can rise to the challenge as a species, I think we may arrive in a better future. It’s a time of evolution, of becoming more whole as beings, of listening to your heart and soul. Whatever that is for YOU. I can’t explain any of this, and I've always loved mystery anyway, so I think it's okay to not have the answers. I don't know how to DO this, except to attempt to do my best to create things that are in alignment with what I'm feeling. I will just say that it seems like the veils are becoming very thin, and we are ALL more than we know.
I have uploaded a new triptych of songs (“Spidersong”). It's FREE on band camp. It's a Thank You to anyone who has ever listened, or will ever listen, to my music.